You Go, Mr Cheney!
13 September 2002
Mr Cheney, you sure are right. Right as rain! The world is indeed a dangerous place and getting dangerouser and dangerouser. I am really starting to get the whole Saddam thing, enemy of all good people, evil personified, no democracy-I mean where else could we free a ancient democratic civilization from a tyrant and ensure continued access to oil at the same time? I mean, US companies don't even invest in Iraq....even when oil prices rise we will win!! It's the best of both worlds! Let's do it! Who cares that the bin Ladin link is tenuous. Tenuous, shmenuous, I always say.... WMD-Iraq versus al Qaida-tastes great, less filling.
But Mr Cheney, tell me more about the WMD thing.
I mean, some US Army anthrax got loose within the US-does that qualify? No, that's right, that was our stuff in the hands of a highly capable maniac trying to warn his country. And Oklahoma City-nahh, another bad citizen. Not a problem.
What about those No Dongs? I mean, I have heard they are even better than Scuds, and North Korea has been selling them like hotcakes. Oh? No? That's just some bad old news, and since we gave the North Koreans those light nuclear reactors a few months ago, they won't do anything bad with the No Dong, like sell or trade dangerous technology to our enemies. Not to worry.
How about chemicals? I hear there are a lot of chemical weapons stored over there in the mountains... No silly, in Iraq, not the Rockies!!
Well, bioweapons are really really ugly...and those Iraqis really have a lot of them, I bet! Not as many as the Russians, but we all know how close the Russians have been to Iraq in the past! That and oil futures, hey, Mr Cheney, I wasn't born yesterday!
Remember when the evil Saddam gassed the Kurds? Yeah, they were really bad then, in 1988... what? Saddam was allied with the US then? Oops. I meant to say when Saddam stomped the Shia rebellion in 1991 when we left them with their armed helos after Desert Storm! Oops, sorry again, I forgot that was US policy because we didn't want Iraq to fracture along ethnic/religious lines. And we still don't, I'm happy to say!! Damn straight!
Look, what about those weapons of mass destruction used within our borders on 9-11? Surely we can do something about that? Boeing and Airbus make those fuel filled guided missiles, I've heard. Extremely dangerous in the wrong hands!! Won't be long, and we can set our sights on the State of Washington and France.... What? I'm taking it all wrong? Sorry, I really am trying to get the picture here...
Wait a minute-I have heard of a real WMD threat in the region.... it's a little country, with military forces that could go up against any NATO country and win, I've heard. Plus nukes, delivery systems, the whole nine yards. Really tough guys, don't take any crap from anyone. Lots of the neighbors are worried...
Mr Cheney, you have a strange look on your face... no, no, no!! That's not the ancient democratic people in the grip of a tyrant I was talking about!! Everybody knows Israel doesn't have oil!!