E-Ring Dreams

11 October 2002

Under Secretary of Defense for Policy Doug Feith gave a very educational press conference the other day.  I sure learned a lot.

I found out that it is wrong “to say that U.S. troops are not trained in peacekeeping.” Instead, it “is one of the things that U.S. troops know about and are trained to do.”

I found out that “we have no interest in running somebody else's country or owning somebody else's country or imposing our will on other people.”

And I found out that postwar reconstruction is a really big part of the planning for Iraq.

On peacekeeping training, Feith is a bit optimistic.We have practice and pick-up games, maybe intramural clubs for the over-thirty crowd, but we are not trained for peacekeeping.

In fact, military peacekeeping is a lot like military intelligence, except the jokes are practical, and hurt a lot more than an intel puke’s feelings. 

Too bad Mr. Feith hasn’t talked with the readiness folks and looked at what the pickup games are doing to real readiness and offensive/defensive capabilities. 

Feith’s statement that the United States has no interest in running someone else’s country is kind of disingenuous. If I heard it from Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians or Greens, I wouldn’t think twice. 

But when the neo-conservative leaders of the war party (and we’re all invited!) say it, well, this thought comes to mind.  Those lying bastards!   Clearly, we want to run someone else’s country, and why limit it to Iraq?  I mean, we didn’t like how the Germans voted a few months ago, and we let them know it, yessiree.  If Tony Blair starts to waver in response to his electorate, get real. We’ll be all over him like white on rice. 

We’re already giving orders to the Republican Guard, and there are other inconvenient tyrants standing in the way of our design for the region.  They know who they are. If they aren’t sure, they can check the “to do” lists kept by those humble souls in the E-ring.

On postwar reconstruction, the New York Times said today that the U.S. program will be modeled on MacArthur in Japan.  The differences between the Japan 1945 and Iraq 2002 are, of course, enormous, comprehensive and mind-boggling. Broadcast propaganda and oft-repeated half-truths won’t be enough to overcome the simple facts on the ground. 

Tabs of LSD might do it.  But this isn’t the 1960s, and acid is bad for your health.  Not like war. 

I’m probably over-reacting.  Maybe the new imperialism will give retired military guys and gals second career opportunities as permanent advisors to governors and mayors and chiefs of police. 

In fact…all we need now is a MacArthur.  You know, a flag who is articulate, bullheaded, willing to stand up and be counted, to challenge bad ideas no matter where they come from.  

Oh yeah, that’s right.  We got rid of all those guys in the last administration. Who says all E-ring dreams don’t come true!