Multiple Choice in the Land of Oz

17 October 2002

President Bush often gets ridiculed because he mispronounces words and mangles his diction. We all do that sometimes, and we should try to start each day with an honest look in the mirror.

But the questions facing the President today are more challenging than how to say "Obasanjo" and when to use the word "vulcanize." Take this little quiz and see how you do.

1. Government policies of this country have caused widespread malnutrition.

a. Zimbabwe     b. Iraq     c. North Korea     d. Ethiopia

2. This secular Marxist dictator has had his sanity questioned more than once.

a. Robert Mugabe     b. Saddam Hussein     c. Kim Chong-il     d. Muamar Qadhafi

3. This country has been uncooperative in sharing information about its nuclear weapons program.

a. Israel     b. Iraq     c. North Korea     d. Pakistan

4. This country has poisoned and imprisoned its own citizens during war or crisis and later lied about it.

a. China     b. Iraq     c. North Korea      d. United States

5. This entity is reported to have tried to assassinate a President or former president.

a. Cuba      b. Iraq      c. North Korea     d. An popular U.S. pretzel company

6. This country is a card-carrying member of the Evil Axis, conducts an active nuclear weapons program, and has over 50,000 U.S. troops stationed nearby ready to roll.

a. Iran     b. Iraq      c. North Korea     d. All of the above

If you answered Iraq or Saddam Hussein to all the questions, you wouldn't be all wrong.

And you also wouldn't be right, especially after the latest news from North Korea and what we know about our own government's behavior in the past. Let's take an easier quiz.

If and when we go into Iraq, the U.S. Armed Forces will be executing an invasion that we hope and wish will:

a. Make America safe from WMD attacks     b. Reduce global terrorism     c. Replace a secular dictator with a "good" national government     d. Improve the U.S. economy     e. All of the above.

If you answered "e" you have the story. Just as briefed by the Pentagon and the White House. The real answer is more like 1/e. But we are talking grammar not algebra, wizards not logicians.

Hoping is not equivalent to planning, wishing is not the same as facts on the ground, and vulcanize means "to treat rubber with a sulfur compound so as to plasticize it."

Sometimes we accidentally misuse the language and make mistakes. Sometimes we exaggerate a little.

And sometimes we just lie. You and I and Toto and the man behind the curtain gotta wish and hope we get away with it, because the party throwing this war has already made a run on the red shoes.