The Don Dangerfield Show
3 November 2002
Don Rumsfeld is sometimes accused of being arrogant.
I just don’t buy it. Instead of a diminutive egomaniac set on empire, what we have here is a late blooming, loud and not-getting-a-lot-of-respect comedian. Less Napoleon and more Dangerfield.
Let’s start with “Rummy,” one of many affectionate nicknames used behind his back. Rummy doesn’t sound solemn or powerful. It brings to mind the wheezy old geezer on a grate holding a tin can up at you and repeating the same confusing story every day.
If you cleaned up the old geezer, brought him into the E-ring, gave him an office and some ideologically-on-a-big-mission assistants, he might not do much worse for himself than Rummy has.
Consider how Rodney, I mean Rummy, gets treated on a routine basis.
Remember when he tried to change out some of the service chiefs and liven up the place? He announced some replacements – Shinseki’s for example—eighteen months early. What’s that about? Didn’t the secret “submit your papers” handshake work? Maybe he tried that and had to settle for the early announcement.
Next Rummy tries to shift around some weapons system programs, and gets multiple service end runs – some led by chiefs he had already fired in place, and some with chiefs he wanted to keep. Apparently, it makes no difference.
He complained loudly about the $60,000 bill from his accountants for filing his financial disclosure. Charged him a whole bunch and turned it in over a year late. Are we seeing a pattern here? Rodney would!
Right after 9-11-01, when he needs them the most, Rumsfeld’s Rules are taken off the Defenselink site. He turns his back for a moment to fight the global war on terror and the little weasels pull his one truly useful piece of guidance off his own damn web site.
Now Rummy has to click here at the Corner Bar to find his rules. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t really been following too many of them recently. Or maybe, Barnes and Noble told him to neutralize the free competition for the book version – royalty checks might help chip away at the $60,000. But either, way, somebody’s not getting a lot of respect.
In Rummy’s traditional holiday troop message last December, unlike those from previous secretaries, he extends glad tiding to us, not only for himself, but on behalf of the President. Then, you guessed it, the real President comes through right after that with his own tidings directly, taking the air out of the SecDef’s tidings package. Don Dangerfield just doesn’t get any respect!
Maureen Dowd recently did a whole cartoon on Rummy’s construction of a mini-CIA, mini-State Department, and mini-OSD all in search of a little respect. Trying to exert a little order and control, and all he gets is people laughing at him.
Remember last February when Rummy closed down the Office of Strategic Influence? But who are the fifteen folks still working in the Office of Strategic Influence today? They didn’t even change the name, just took the sign off the door.
Now, Rummy may be called arrogant, and he may be accused by some of taking his power too much to heart. An Austrian named Baron Wessenberg wrote “Nothing in the world is more haughty than a man of moderate capacity when once raised to power.” Wessenberg, who disagreed with Napoleon on a number of things, may well have been referring to the little Corsican.
With all due respect to those making Napoleonic comparisons, I disagree. I really think Rodney Dangerfield is where we should look to understand this secretary.
I can see it now…”When I was secretary of defense, I got no respect… I asked the President for expert defense advisors. He sent a soufflé chef and three out-of-work lawyers….