Committee
for the Liberation of Iraq – Join Us!
Thank goodness for educated, brilliant men like Edward Luttwak and Newt Gingrich and Richard Perle.
I’m
glad they’re doing the thinking as we start this imperial preemptive
war with
I’m
no mathematician, but that’s about 34 uninterrupted years of dictatorship!
It’s going to be a damn fine liberation.
Remember
the meeting two days ago on the five-sided
island
?Well, the war phases are now defined for policy purposes -- “pre-liberation”
and “post-liberation.”Another really smart guy thought that up and will
be briefing the Secretary imminently. I’m no English major, but I
like the sound of it.Almost poetic.
Edward
Luttwak, renowned historian, wrote today that “No war is easy and no
war is exempt from uncertainty, but a swift
victory
is the much more likely outcome…” and that the Iraqi people will rise
up and embrace their liberators.I’m no historian, so I have to say,
“Why not?”
Luttwak
assures us that, “Once U.S. and British forces arrive on the edge of
the city, the people of
Free
at last, free at last.
Now,
I’m no activist, but somebody ought to put that in a speech in front
of the Lincoln Memorial!
But
it seems that gleaming razor-sharp intellectual brilliance isn’t enough.Somehow,
the American people are not yet completely convinced. Enter the Project
for a New American Century (the authors of our new National Security/Military
Strategy).They have a kick-ass
statement of principles and they’re going to save the day.
These
fine men (PNAC founders included Wolfie, Rummy, Cheney, Libby and Jeb
Bush) are sponsoring, with President Bush, John McCain and a few others,
a new group called “The
Committee for the Liberation of Iraq
.”
One of the token female members of PNAC, Midge, is married to Norm Podhoretz, father of the neo-conservative movement, and intellectual father figure and advisor to Perle, advisor to Rummy and Wolfie and Cheney and Libby and Bush.
Whoever
said West Virginiawins the award for least number of branches on the
family tree!
But
I digress. It’s just because I am so elated that “The Committee for
the Liberation of Iraq” is moving “to press
thecase
in the
You
have to admit, the American people are a stupid bunch. And the Europeans
are even worse. It’s about time we had a cabal of really wise and committed
old men to help President Bush convince the American people to fund
and fight this preemptive war to unseat a dictator, liberate his people
and completely disarm him (and his oil).
I’m
on board! I want to help! And I’ve got some great ideas for the new
propaganda campaign:
It’s
easy! His soldiers are wimps and his people are tired and poor!
It’s
fun!Just like old times, we
can get together and watch laser-guided bomb videos with some buddies
and a case of beer!
It
won’t cost much! We didn’t need those social security checks anyway,
and if we spend it today, we’ll all be better off tomorrow! Trust me!
Iraqdoesn’t
share our values. Isn’t the head of their bio-weapons program a wicked
evildoer of the female
persuasion? I think that tells you everything you need to know about
how women are held back in
It’s
the right thing to do. Hussein and the Ba’ath Party are the Reds for
this decade, and we need to teach them a thing or two about democracy
and justice. It is God’s will, and
It
will help win the war on terror. New and more frequent terror attacks
on Americans will create helpful after-the-fact evidence.This in turn
drives the relentless pursuit of excellence that so defines the 100+
agencies of our homeland defense apparatus! Look how great we did on
finding the anthrax mailer and the
Well,
I’m waiting for my call from the Committee. I’m sure it won’t be long!